And I’m like, “Yeah.”
And then they get to may upper back and they are like “OMG.. this is not normal. You are as hard as a rock. Does this hurt? Are you sore? Is it always like this? This can not be healthy!” She literally said those things.
It’s like I’m some kind of freak of nature or something, and I’m like “Yeah, I know. Yes, it’s always like this and that’s precisely why I’m here, so just work it out, will ya?” But those comments always make me feel weird. Like, why the hell am I so tight like that?! I don’t necessarily feel like a big ball of stress and tension in my mind, and yet physically, I do. I need to meditate and do yoga everyday and not spend so much time on the damn computer. I know.
I used to think that I couldn't do yoga because it is too slow for me (let alone meditate everyday, lol), but now I realize that because these things are hard, that is precisely why I need to do them. I’ve always felt like an urgent need to do active things (inherited from my mom, no doubt) like hiking, running, kickboxing or riding my bike because I feel like these things release pent up energy, and then also give me more energy. And I need all that energy because in my everyday life it’s like go go go go go go all the time. I feel like I am always in motion and it is hard for me to sit still. This is why I don’t own a single DVD. I don’t ever watch movies at home or even TV anymore, unless I’m sick and I never get sick (well, hardly ever). If I am at home with nothing to do (which is also never because there is always some task, some errand, sommmmething to do) I will just sleep.
But even though I'm constantly on the go, I do still have plenty of quiet time in my life because I realize this time is necessary in order to cultivate good thoughts and feelings, which in turn shape your life. I feel like quiet time alone is like a launching point for achieving your dreams. It's the opportunity to visualize the things you want to happen in life, happening to you. And for me that has been the extent of my daily mediation. And I can do that on the train or in the car or while I'm doing dishes, or anywhere really. But none of that addresses the physical tension and stress of sitting at a job on a computer all day. And I imagine that doing yoga and meditating properly everyday would make me feel a million times better. I only wish there were a couple more hours in the day!
I just finished reading this book called Breakfast with Buddha and it was good, not great, but good. It reminded me of a lot of things that I already knew but maybe haven’t thought about in a while. The book focuses quite a bit on how you can be a good person, and you will learn and grow and have a proper good life, but you might get that nagging feeling somewhere down the line, that something is missing. And all the major religions of the world are similar in that they ask you to change your spiritual condition by putting in work, be it through prayer or meditation or the way you live, the way you decide to think and/or the lessons you learn by living and that work will change the way in which you see the world.
It’s like when my mom bought my aunt’s old Subaru and then suddenly she noticed every Subaru on the road. And they were everywhere, and that was surprising. Like, “Hey, I never noticed that before” type of thing. In reality, nothing is different, nothing has changed, it’s just a temporary shift in the way you see the world around you that has you seeing Subaru’s everywhere. And if you are a person who has had bad things happen to you and you are angry then it’s easy to see in the world all the reasons there are to be angry. (I feel like this became the case with my ex-boyfriend after his dad died and it’s a huge drain on the psyche to live your life this way or to live around someone who is always angry. It’s no way to go through life if you can help it, which you totally can.)
So it takes effort, but it is absolutely possible to change the way you see the world around you. You create your own version of reality for better or worse and while we all want “better” I think most people do not understand how to achieve this shift in thinking, these little awakenings. And I’m sure maybe it comes to people in different ways at different times, but it takes some deliberate focus and reflection.
All that we are, is the result of what we have thought. And when you see how you and your thoughts make your own world, then you can also make it different if you want. Inside the big world that you cannot control, there is the small world of you that you can control. Everyday, many times everyday, you can go one way or the other way. You can go with anger or not go. Go with greed or not go. Go with hate or not go. You can eat to much, drink too much, obsess about sex, or not. There are always two ways to go. And these may feel like small things, small choices, but every day, across one life, across many lives, if you choose the good way, again and again, in what you are thinking and what you are doing then you will become a good or better person and your life will be easier and happier, not perfect, but better.
I THINK, LOL.
I do not pretend to know. In fact, I am sure of nothing in this world. Well, not true. I’m pretty sure that I need to take up yoga and meditation. Heh. I'm just not exactly sure how I’ll be able to fit that all in. But I’m sure a way will be revealed. Once you’ve figured out the “what”, the “how”, usually works itself out.
I don’t really have many pictures from Taupo because I spent all my time, sleeping, reading, eating, getting massaged and browsing through art galleries. It was a lovely day, really. And I picked up a few really cool artsy things, even though I said I wasn’t going to buy anything on this trip. Doh. I can avoid the usual tourist nonsense, but I’m a sucker for art and once I start spending money, it’s freakin’ hard to stop, and today was one of those days. Anyway, here are a few more random NZ pics that I’ve collected so far on this trip:
^^you can't see it because this picture is crap, but the bottle says "World Famous in New Zealand." I thought that was funny. This is New Zealand soda (they don't have it anywhere else, lol) and supposedly this farmer guy discovered a little geyser on his property that was squirting out fizzy liquid and so he thought he'd go ahead and drink some, and it didn't kill him so he added a squeeze of lemon to it, and there ya go.. L&P. It's pretty good. It's a lot like ginger ale and would go quite nice with Grey Goose, I imagine.
1 comment:
marinpy- i too need to do the whole "being" instead of just "doing". although i am definitely not athletic, i am always moving (even if it is shaking my leg or looking around) and i have had many dr's and such tell me i would benefit from meditation or yoga. i think you are right that many of the things that are hardest to do should be the things we learn. i meditate when i cook because i don't think about anything else... it's just MY time to focus on ONE task, which never happens in my 14 hour work and school days. we are busy, highly motivated, successful gals and i guess that is what we give up for being that way, le sigh... ;)
i also have the same viewpoint about how one views the world around them. many of my best friends see the world as this fucked up, cynical place that is out to get them. this paranoia is something i, nor you, could ever understand. people could say we think this way because we have had all these wonderful advantages growing up in good families and had opportunities others may not have. but lord knows that there are enough of my friends who are (or families are) far better off financially than me who see the world in such a negative, damning way! if only they realized the world does not owe them anything and they have to make it happen for themselves. we all go through shitty times, but those shitty times are there for us to grow and learn from.
i am grateful to have such a positive friend like you marin! you are seriously one of a kind! :) <3!
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